Whether to rent or buy a home is the largest financial decision most people ever make, which is why most people make it based on a feeling they had in a stranger’s kitchen during an open house. To help, newspapers publish careful interactive calculators with inputs for mortgage rates, property taxes, and how long you plan to stay — tools built on one radical assumption: that the next thirty years will resemble the last thirty.

You do not believe that. You have read the documents. You have seen the graph where the line for “length of task an AI can do” goes up and to the right, and the graph where the line for “your continued economic relevance” is politely omitted. You are not asking “can I afford the monthly payment”; you are asking “what is the correct amount of leverage to carry into the singularity.”

This calculator is for you. It uses the same math as the famous ones — amortization, opportunity cost, closing costs, the works — and then adjusts for the variable no one else will print: when you personally believe the ordinary economy stops making sense.